The thoughts that plague me...

Why on earth can I feel good about life and be trusting God...basically be having a productive, good attitude, and all around good week. Then I get my period and the world is crumbling around me. I don't see any hope or end in sight to my pain. I tell Jeph no pregnancy this month either...I feel like I'm killing his spirit.
He puts on a brave face and tells me it's ok, it will happen, God's in control..pretty much he says and does all the right things. I can feel his pain. We love our nieces/nephews, friends kids so much and we do our best not to let our pain show..to stay connected and involved but afterwards we always feel sad we don't have our own kids, and we feel a deep, intense, pain that is around us everyday whether out in front or hidden away. I dont' understand, we don't understand...We know God's character to not give us this desire and rip it away. We don't know His timing...and are beginning to wonder if kids will happen for us. We are starting our 6th month of trying and I need prayer, support to get through this difficult phase(please God let this only be a short phase).
As Mothers Day approaches I am hurting more and more then ever before. The partial nursery is becoming a black hole in my house. I keep the door shut most of the time for fear I'll freak out and ball. I love to celebrate my mom(s) on Mothers Day every year in a special way..but this year especially I feel like I'm going to go insane with complete pain, emotional distress.
I need a huge relief, a huge healing, a huge act of grace to change my world out look right now. I need some serious motivation for so many things: house projects, busy schedule(just about to much), time/desire to exercise, the dedication to maintaining relationships(staying out of the black hole of depression.)
If these are the last few months of no kids for me...I want to spend them in a good mood, with a joyful and content heart, and a deeper understanding of myself, God, His purpose in my life, and stronger relationships.
Why? maybe thats not the best question...maybe it should be When? These things will happen and I have to get off the sidelines and be an active player. So although when is up to God...I have to be in the game whole heartedly doing my best in everything.